In February, Techne hosted a panel titled “Sport Psychology for the Youth Athlete.” Stu Singer and Emily Aron of WellPerformance provided tips and advice for coaches and parents, geared towards athletes ages 10-14. Much of the same advice can be applied to any age group in any sport or facet of life.
Due to overwhelming interest and feedback, we're providing a follow-up Q&A based on the topics discussed. Questions have been answered by sport psychologists Stu Singer and Emily Aron. We are gratified that the Techne community found the event so helpful and informative, and invite you to spread the word.
How do you help your player work through their fear of failure?
Normalizing fear of failure and making mistakes is a part of sport. To put this into perspective for players, bring up their favorite player. Ask them to tell you how many games they have seen where that player did not make a mistake (spoiler: the answer will be 0). Mistakes are going to happen. What is far more important is your reaction and response to those mistakes.
Additionally, you can help them to practice by taking “small risks.” Have them name things that are still a bit “scary,” but that they are willing to attempt. They’ll either succeed at the small risk, or they’ll experience not succeeding and discover that it’s not nearly as painful as they thought. Regardless, this exercise should begin to expand their current willingness to try. Just remember to make sure your players are part of the process for choosing their risk, and that it is something that is within their reach.
How can players deal with performance anxiety?
Create a pre-performance routine. Whether it is the evening before and/or the morning of the competition. What are one or a few things they can do to help center and relax themselves? This comes in many different forms, but here are a few examples: a relaxing playlist, 5-10 minutes of meditation, 4-7-8 breathing, journaling and/or writing down their nervous thoughts and reframing them. Also, keep in mind that the reiteration is like any physical skill; mental skills take time and repetition to be successful.
Reminding them that their anxiety is a prediction of the “what if,” and that it's normal for all of us to feel this anxiety at times, but that none of us can truly predict the future. Learning to keep the focus in the present moment is potentially the most important skill that players can learn. Mindfulness meditation is a great practice. Apps like DoSo and many others are really helpful in teaching this skill.
This approach can help:
- If players have performance anxiety and get nervous before games
- If players overthink
- If players need help transferring their practice performance to the field
- If stress is manifesting into physical issues
How do you get your child to open up about their feelings and thoughts on their performance?
Stay curious and try to avoid judgment; ask open-ended questions, and have them take the lead in expressing how they are feeling.
One practice that I recommend (and that I’ve done as a parent) is telling a story of my own experience when playing youth sports that may have been challenging for me. By being open and vulnerable ourselves, it models how players can open up and talk as well.
What kind of practices/procedures/thoughts do you recommend for helping young players deal with frustration?
This is a good moment to remind coaches and parents that the best way to frame all mental skill practices is that we approach them proactively (before issues begin), and practice them consistently (whether things are going well or not as well). When any of us are really frustrated, the effectiveness of any skill will be much more powerful if we’ve already practiced and developed it BEFORE truly needing it.
Some of the best practices for dealing with frustrations include: deep breathing practices; “naming it” - expressing what their frustrations are, and then listing some ways to solve the problems that are within their control; and learning how stay present (often our frustrations are about something that has already happened or that we fear may happen in the future). Mindfulness meditation teaches this skill. The practice of gratitude is also a great tool. Have players write out what they’re thankful for or grateful about playing (or simply life in general) each night or morning. Sometimes when we’re most frustrated it’s helpful to counterbalance the frustration with what is still good!
Self-talk is so hard even for an adult. Any tips on how to help young players with self-talk?
The first step with self-talk is building awareness; start to pinpoint when negative or unproductive thoughts are occurring. Then, find active ways to make those thoughts more positive or productive. A way to do this is through a positive reframe. The positive reframe should be something you truly believe in and is going to help you be in a more present mindset. For example, if a player thinks, “I have a bad shot because I don’t score and everyone else scores,” the best thing you can do for them is reframe these negative self-critical thoughts. Changing these words to something more focused on future progress is helpful. That may sound something more like, “My shot isn’t as good as I want it to be YET, but I’ll work on it for 15 minutes a day.” Another option is doing something physical to break up the thought pattern, such as focusing on planting their cleats in the grass, or tucking and untucking their jersey, etc.
It’s important to make sure that self-talk scripts are process-focused (i.e. within our control), and not outcome-focused (not within our control). And, they must be rooted in reality– meaning that they must be something that players have done before and repeated because they’ve practiced them.
Any tips on how to be consistent and get back to mental toughness training when players fall off or out of the routine?
Start small. We often set ourselves up for failure when we expect big overnight changes to occur. Have one habit be the focus for that day or week that you can build off of. Maybe that is getting an extra hour of sleep, starting your day with 5-10 minutes of meditation, or ending your day with positive reflection. Small and consistent habits are the foundation of being mentally tough/strong.
I teach this phrase to all my athletes, “I missed today, but I will get back to my routine tomorrow.” It teaches them to take accountability for the miss, but also reminds them that they can get right back on track. The key is that it shouldn’t be about guilt and shame, and instead a reminder that there is always a next opportunity.
How do you counsel a young athlete who is recovering from injury and maybe a little low on self-confidence?
I think this has a multifaceted answer. This could be a good time for the young athlete to lean into joy in the other facets of their life. It could also be a good time for them to take on a different role with their team so they are still able to feel a part of it. When working with injured athletes, there is also value in normalizing their injury, the recovery, the setbacks that come with it, and their ultimate “come back” to the sport. (This could be through using an example of a famous athlete with the same injury).
It’s also extremely important to teach players how to cut the entire recovery into small, manageable parts, such as ONLY focus on that week and NOT the entire length of time that it will take to return. Day by day, and week by week. Focus on what they can control that week, and the next thing they know, they’ll be back to action!
Does individual personality factor into sport psychology, i.e, what works for one child may not exactly work for another. Is that true? If so, how do you adapt or modify that message?
Absolutely. It is essential to understand the individualistic components that go into sports psychology. These are unique and heavily-tied to personality, including: mental toughness, perfectionism, and emotional intelligence. Scientific studies have shown a correlation between these traits and an athlete's performance. Other factors to consider, especially regarding the approach of the individual athlete, are their educational background, sport-specific culture, organizational culture, social environment, and the characteristics of their training.
What may work for one athlete does not guarantee the same success with another. This is why it is important to emphasize how part of tapping into their mental game is figuring out what they do, and do not, connect with. That said, each of the skills are based on research-supported data and so are valid approaches. Sport psychology differentiates itself from “advice” or “this worked for me…” in that these are not validated approaches with any data.
When we work with any athlete client, we know that the skill we’re delivering is the “science”, but that the “art” is in the delivery of the message and how we may connect it to what matters most to them.
How do you help your player’s mindset when the other team players and coach are trying to get into their heads? Or when other parents are acting out towards the coach/players?
It is of course easier said than done, but try to articulate what is in their control versus what is not. At the end of the day, they cannot control their teammates, coaches, refs, parents, etc. But they can control their effort, attitude, response, present moment, being a good teammate, work ethic, etc. Building that awareness and making that mental shift can go a long way.
What do you tell your child when you KNOW they have more in them, but they are not confident in a certain setting? (new team, etc.)
Be curious, ask questions about this. What makes them uncomfortable? Could there be one or two focuses of that setting to take away some of that pressure and alter their focus? Normalize what they’re experiencing. It’s common to be a bit hesitant in a new environment or with a new team. Again, maybe tell a story of a time that something similar happened to you, and explain that over time, we typically begin to feel like this environment is now comfortable for us. Finish this process by asking open-ended questions like, “What is still the same in this environment? “What are you still in control of?” “Do you want to go 15 minutes early, and we can pass or dribble together?”
My son has acknowledged that he does not do his best every time. We have talked about it, and he knows. He said, "Mom, if I knew how to do it every time, don't you think I would do it?" How do I help him?
Most likely if a young player doesn’t always do their best, it’s connected to one of two (or both) potential reasons. Let’s start with the most simplistic reason, but maybe most overlooked – they’re YOUNG! They’re not yet developed enough to be “consistently at their best.” Go to any pro or college practice and you’ll hear a coach commenting that the players aren’t “switched on” today, or their energy is low. Sometimes it’s simply about patience, and just reminding them the goal is to give the max effort they have THAT day, which may not be the max effort that they typically have.
The second reason is probably related to performance anxiety. Performance anxiety has them caught in the prediction of the “What if..” “What if I fail?” “What if I mess up and they laugh?” “What if my coach yells at me?” When these thoughts are going through their mind, it often leads to playing it safe and taking the foot off the gas.
The best way that we can help is to create an Action Script with them. What do their actions of “going for it” look like? Write it down with them, then they can remind themselves of what “going for it” looks like. Maybe it’s: “I make decisive runs!” or “I relentlessly work to win the ball back if I lose it.” Anything that makes top effort an intentional thing for them.
At Techne, we focus on the “whole player,” -- which also eventually means “the whole person.” We want to instruct, guide, and inspire not only the players, but the influential people in their lives, such as parents, guardians, and coaches. We invite you to join us in this mission.
